Why is it so hard for me to forgive, you ask.
No, I cannot forgive you. Don't ask me why. I have lost count the number of times I have stared at the ceiling wondering if it was something I did. You see, heartbreak was easy. But sleep? That shit wasn't. Every time my phone beeped I'd hope it was you, texting to say you were sorry and what a terrible mistake you made. Yes, you did ask for forgiveness, I remember. You did say that it was a mistake we ever dated. You were sorry that I fell for you despite all your flaws, you were sorry that you had to move on. You were sorry that you wanted a life without me.
No, I cannot forgive you. That would be unfair. You drove me crazy with your silence. I was a damaged woman. I was a wreck. I was a fool. I was hopeless. I felt things that I shouldn't have. I begged you to see reason. I wanted to show you that we could be good together. How was I to know that you were as damaged as I was? How was I to know to know that our worlds would collide and we would self destruct? Except, you knew it from the start. You knew it would end before it began.
No, I cannot forgive you. I tried, but I failed. You see, you are like damaged goods with no return policy. What do I do with damaged goods? Should I put them away in a box? Like how I put away your memories in a place where revisiting would be a torture? But hell, I can deal with torture! I wish I could return everything-your words that cut like a steely knife. It still hurts, thank you very much.
I cannot forgive you. Forgiving is easy. And I don't want the easy way out for you. I want you to feel what I have felt. I want you to understand what is it like to have loved someone without conditions and then have your heart broken into a million pieces. I want someone to do to you what you did to me. I want you to drown in your own "confusion" that you so conveniently hurled at me like an abuse when I asked you why. And then maybe then you will understand why it is so hard for me to forgive.
Until that happens, I cannot forgive, and neither will I forget.
No, I cannot forgive you. Don't ask me why. I have lost count the number of times I have stared at the ceiling wondering if it was something I did. You see, heartbreak was easy. But sleep? That shit wasn't. Every time my phone beeped I'd hope it was you, texting to say you were sorry and what a terrible mistake you made. Yes, you did ask for forgiveness, I remember. You did say that it was a mistake we ever dated. You were sorry that I fell for you despite all your flaws, you were sorry that you had to move on. You were sorry that you wanted a life without me.
No, I cannot forgive you. That would be unfair. You drove me crazy with your silence. I was a damaged woman. I was a wreck. I was a fool. I was hopeless. I felt things that I shouldn't have. I begged you to see reason. I wanted to show you that we could be good together. How was I to know that you were as damaged as I was? How was I to know to know that our worlds would collide and we would self destruct? Except, you knew it from the start. You knew it would end before it began.
No, I cannot forgive you. I tried, but I failed. You see, you are like damaged goods with no return policy. What do I do with damaged goods? Should I put them away in a box? Like how I put away your memories in a place where revisiting would be a torture? But hell, I can deal with torture! I wish I could return everything-your words that cut like a steely knife. It still hurts, thank you very much.
I cannot forgive you. Forgiving is easy. And I don't want the easy way out for you. I want you to feel what I have felt. I want you to understand what is it like to have loved someone without conditions and then have your heart broken into a million pieces. I want someone to do to you what you did to me. I want you to drown in your own "confusion" that you so conveniently hurled at me like an abuse when I asked you why. And then maybe then you will understand why it is so hard for me to forgive.
Until that happens, I cannot forgive, and neither will I forget.
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