the night turns cold, dark and lonely. and she is sitting by the bed thinking... 23 winters have gone by and more to come. will it still get lonely in december? will the frost kill her? and then she hears the river flow. a strong gush of winds giving impetus to the river. with each passing hour, it gets louder and louder. there were no dams...just dark velvet river with a life of its own, hurrying to get somewhere, to somebody... another hour gone by and she realized that on a cold dark lonely night all she had to herself were her thoughts...and then there was the moon...she was lonely no more....

perfect existence ruined by thoughts about you. why can't i get you out of my head? it isn't so hard to do...and yet it isn't so easy to not think about you.

she dabbed make-up on her face, wore the perfect dress

the smell of cheap perfume filled the air...

one hard look at the mirror and she knew she had it going

the hazel eyes, the perfect nose, the half-curved smile playing on her lips

she knew she'd make HIM happy

and then the inevitable happened

she tripped. and fell with a dull thud on the cold hard ground.

she got up like as if from dizzying heights and walked towards the mirror again

the make up was good, her dress was fine

the smell of cheap perfume was slowly fading

like a slow,sad song playing in the background....

(she listened to the words in her head)

the sad beautiful eyes, the perfect nose, the painful smile

 it wasn't a perfect day for romance.  

Afterthought

its too soon to sleep
and yet too late to dream

too much too ask for,
too little to give

too much happiness,
slowly growing sadness........



if i could dream at all,
if i could give it all,
if i could grow at all,
i would let the sadness flow.....

.............

strange unfamiliar territory that i am pushed into
the void may envelope me
the fear may engulf me......

i see them faces, i know them eyes
the eye~ the blinding lights sting my eyes
there's no respite from them bright, unfriendly lights
i run......

what's it i see?
them ghosts from the pasts
haunting, screeching, crying, moaning....laughing?
they're draped in white
i thought they wore black
i run....

its not strange anymore, i have been here before
i know the smell, i feel the colour
 BLACK

darkness.

i run.....i fall.....

love song

its the feeling of newness again, a sense of reawakening...

i hope i am not alone

and i hope you feel the same too

the sky is a brighter blue, the grass, greener

the heartbeats are getting louder

and i hope you can hear them too

my song is almost ready, the one that defines you,

my rhapsody is finally in bloom,

now can you sing it too?

broken, hurt, naked

its been the story of my life- broken, hurt, naked
i don't intend to change it, it comforts my numb soul
i stare into the wilderness of the open plains
my eyes hurt until i see red
i lay in bed, thinking the end would come soon
but all i can think of is the day it all began-
broken, hurt, naked

i channel my thoughts-giving them the impetus to dream
but dreams, visions...deep slumber
they make it hard to forget the nights that i cried
and yet as my tears stain my pillow, i lay alone-
broken, hurt, naked

i am happy..i think of you when i am happy
i am sad...and yet i think of you still

you promised me the sky, the rainbow
i wished for the purple blanket and the crimson red
you gave me pain instead
purple wounds and crimson sores
u ripped my heart open and there i stood-
broken hurt, naked

and now when i face myself
i don't recognize the pain anymore
the salty tears, the faltering words
the growing darkness of the night,
the same wilderness of the plains....

the girl dat was broken, hurt and naked-
you have maimed her for life.

so distracted....

i don't know why is it so hard for me to please people...its like i am always trying but somehow, somewhere i leave loopholes. ok, i know that nobody is perfect and it is our imperfections that make us so real and human. but ofcourse, easier said than done. maybe i am simply going through one of those low phases in life when all i need is a reason bad enough to crib about. again, when i know that i should be sitting with my books right now and preparing for my exams, i am actually concentrating more on my blog.
i wonder if its normal for a 23 year old to feel this way, but i have this strange, yet strong urge to pack my bags and leave for some place where there is no network coverage-completely alienated and cut off from civilization. but then i'd miss my facebook and blog so much!!!!
maybe its just exams or maybe i am undergoing serious hormonal and psychological changes. it just feels so insane sometimes that i wish i could i tear my hair out. by the way, early this year i did do something as crazy- i cut my long hair which i had so painstakingly nurtured only because a stupid bloke proved to be a piss-off moron!!! i miss my hair (its growing at an alarmingly quick rate!!! yippeeeee!!) and fear that people may mistake me for a boy who happens to look feminine (of course, it is an absolutely absurd idea..but well, women do get ridiculous notions most of the time) but....who cares?
i think i am kind of getting out of the hopeless zone now so while i am at it, i may as well study a bit and try and get past my half-an-hour routine for a change....(i'll miss doing this).

sunbeam

the morning rays caressed her...kissing away the pain writ upon her face

she hardly spoke a word- the depths of her silence was deafening

she turned towards me...smiled the saddest smile i had ever seen

and yet i could never take my eyes off her-

her face nestled between her long soft curls-the pale searching eyes

her delicate arms outstretched-as if begging for one last embrace

she was vulnerability personified.

i could look at her for hours and yet never comprehend the ambivalence behind her tragic smile

was she in love? i could not tell

she may have been-once or twice- was she happy?

i looked at her-again-i looked hard-she was happy

her lips curved into a smile-as if to mock me-she must have read my mind

she turned around to face the mirror and strangely enough, i knew what she was thinking

she thought about the days when she laughed and cried at the same time

she remembered vividly the pleasure that pain brought along.......

she closed her eyes-content and happy-and yet when she opened them

two large drops of tears rolled moistened her cheeks

she confused me-she confused herself too

i could live with her forever........ she eluded me like a dream

and yet i loved her- she was a part of me- i could never let her go

she was the reason i laughed, i cried, i survived, i existed

she was the reason i believed....she was ME!!!

my first fall!!!

my first blog ever!!! its a strange newness...i feel like a child holding her pen for the very first time. so many thoughts..so many unspoken words....a blank canvas would still not be enough!!! i remember the first word that i ever wrote-APPLE. nothing strange about it, isn't it? but just probe deeper into the symbolic significance the word itself holds...wasn't life created as a result of eve taking a bite of the forbidden fruit? yes, i beg to differ. the fall was a good thing... newton chanced upon the law of gravity as a result of the apple falling from the tree and subsequntly hitting him on the head!!! a great discovery indeed-that marked a new epoch in the scientific world. likewise, the first "apple" that i wrote in a scrawly, almost illegible handwriting has been my moment of epiphany. a great door beyond which was housed a world of letters words and sentences. a house that i would call home in the years that followed. i have thence, shared a strong, eternal bond with the letters and alphabets that weaved magic infront of my eyes!!! if there is anything called love at first sight- trust me, i fell....just like eve did- hook, line and sinker!!!!!