so distracted....

i don't know why is it so hard for me to please people...its like i am always trying but somehow, somewhere i leave loopholes. ok, i know that nobody is perfect and it is our imperfections that make us so real and human. but ofcourse, easier said than done. maybe i am simply going through one of those low phases in life when all i need is a reason bad enough to crib about. again, when i know that i should be sitting with my books right now and preparing for my exams, i am actually concentrating more on my blog.
i wonder if its normal for a 23 year old to feel this way, but i have this strange, yet strong urge to pack my bags and leave for some place where there is no network coverage-completely alienated and cut off from civilization. but then i'd miss my facebook and blog so much!!!!
maybe its just exams or maybe i am undergoing serious hormonal and psychological changes. it just feels so insane sometimes that i wish i could i tear my hair out. by the way, early this year i did do something as crazy- i cut my long hair which i had so painstakingly nurtured only because a stupid bloke proved to be a piss-off moron!!! i miss my hair (its growing at an alarmingly quick rate!!! yippeeeee!!) and fear that people may mistake me for a boy who happens to look feminine (of course, it is an absolutely absurd idea..but well, women do get ridiculous notions most of the time) but....who cares?
i think i am kind of getting out of the hopeless zone now so while i am at it, i may as well study a bit and try and get past my half-an-hour routine for a change....(i'll miss doing this).

sunbeam

the morning rays caressed her...kissing away the pain writ upon her face

she hardly spoke a word- the depths of her silence was deafening

she turned towards me...smiled the saddest smile i had ever seen

and yet i could never take my eyes off her-

her face nestled between her long soft curls-the pale searching eyes

her delicate arms outstretched-as if begging for one last embrace

she was vulnerability personified.

i could look at her for hours and yet never comprehend the ambivalence behind her tragic smile

was she in love? i could not tell

she may have been-once or twice- was she happy?

i looked at her-again-i looked hard-she was happy

her lips curved into a smile-as if to mock me-she must have read my mind

she turned around to face the mirror and strangely enough, i knew what she was thinking

she thought about the days when she laughed and cried at the same time

she remembered vividly the pleasure that pain brought along.......

she closed her eyes-content and happy-and yet when she opened them

two large drops of tears rolled moistened her cheeks

she confused me-she confused herself too

i could live with her forever........ she eluded me like a dream

and yet i loved her- she was a part of me- i could never let her go

she was the reason i laughed, i cried, i survived, i existed

she was the reason i believed....she was ME!!!

my first fall!!!

my first blog ever!!! its a strange newness...i feel like a child holding her pen for the very first time. so many thoughts..so many unspoken words....a blank canvas would still not be enough!!! i remember the first word that i ever wrote-APPLE. nothing strange about it, isn't it? but just probe deeper into the symbolic significance the word itself holds...wasn't life created as a result of eve taking a bite of the forbidden fruit? yes, i beg to differ. the fall was a good thing... newton chanced upon the law of gravity as a result of the apple falling from the tree and subsequntly hitting him on the head!!! a great discovery indeed-that marked a new epoch in the scientific world. likewise, the first "apple" that i wrote in a scrawly, almost illegible handwriting has been my moment of epiphany. a great door beyond which was housed a world of letters words and sentences. a house that i would call home in the years that followed. i have thence, shared a strong, eternal bond with the letters and alphabets that weaved magic infront of my eyes!!! if there is anything called love at first sight- trust me, i fell....just like eve did- hook, line and sinker!!!!!